“I’m going to make this place your home…”
The song was playing on the radio as I’m driving to Penticton with two happy girls in the backseat. That’s not how we started the day though, and I thought I would dictate a post about today, from the coffee stop along the way. I think it’s a good example of what attachment parenting looks like… long past adoption day.
I’m not saying I’m the attachment parenting guru (ha!) as we’ve made many mistakes along the way. But today, I got it right.
As you know, Jason and I were gone for nine days in Morocco while my parents look after the girls. They did a great job by the way… My dad said that the jellybean jar with one candy for every day helped the girls countdown the time we were away. But I think the love and care from my parents was what held the girls together.
Nine days is a long time though, and when Jason started commuting to work in Penticton Wednesday, we got cries and screams of protest. Yesterday, Spice barely got herself together to go to school. And this morning the girls were so tired from the solstice and so upset that daddy was going to work again, that I decided to take them home for the day. So we took our time in the morning and made blue pancakes covered with sprinkles. Healthy! I know. The point is that it took time and we got to do it together. Then after getting ready for the day, the girls got busy doing massive crafts in the kitchen. 11 o’clock and we are on the road… Off to have lunch with daddy in Penticton. We both felt that even if it was 45 minutes together at the middle of the day, that would be special for the girls. So on the road we are.
I’m being reflective about attachment parenting because often we talked about the process of attachment as the foundations of our relationship post adoption. A really attachment is this ongoing process between any family members who love and trust each other. We have to work to reconnect and builds the bonds of attachment between parents. That’s what Morocco was all about! But we also have to constantly repair hurts and nurture the connection between children and parents as well.
So it doesn’t happen very often… But on days like today, we choose to put the needs of our children first. It was painstakingly obvious that our girls were feeling abandoned when daddy was going off to work, and I was not much of the salve on the wound. Somewhat humbling… Anyway, we decided that I would work this weekend instead, and tend to the children today. And I think it’s an investment that will pay off.
And what if I didn’t take the day is today to focus on the kids and drive to Penticton to have lunch with daddy?
No doubt we would’ve had hurt feelings and bad behavior all weekend. So maybe attachment parenting is self-serving! Because a little repairing now means a lot of enjoyment of my children later.
I would love to hear some of the things that you have done to support and reconnect with your kids, long past your adoption day. Or even if you gave birth to children, I would love to hear what you’ve done to put your children first. Comments?