Rarely do I write something really personal on this blog – I usually try to keep it light and fun. But this is as personal as it gets. And I feel like writing, so here goes.

I think the hardest words for me to say are “I can’t do it.” I have always prided myself on my independence and my competency. My parents taught me I could do anything, and I have always believed that and accomplished a lot in my career and personal life. The hardest words USED to be “I need help,” but after going through some rough times (divorce, mid-twenties) I learned that sometimes a woman can’t stand alone. Good lesson to learn, and I really make sure I nurture those relationships with my peeps, and I know they will be there for me when (not if) I need them.

I’ve always had the energy of several people rolled into one – I always had at least two jobs, or was a f/t student at the same time as working f/t. That was, until my late twenties when I developed arthritis. I was physically forced to slow down to what apparently is considered a normal person’s pace. Since then, I’ve had this battle with myself and my body, wanting to do so many things that interest me, challenge me, fullfil me or are important for others or my family. I take on too much… and then I have to let things go, or find a new home for them. (Thank you to my awesome friends who have been taking over some of my volunteer obligations in the last two months!!!)

Today I had to walk into one of my bosses’ offices and (with a few tears) tell him I couldn’t physically keep up to the stuff I had agreed to do off the side of my desk. It killed me. The reason is because the work is really important to me – it’s important to the place I work ,and has, in many ways, more meaning than my usual tasks. But I can’t handle it anymore. That was really tough to say. “I can’t do it.” Honestly, I feel like a whimp and am pissed off at my body that I can’t do it. Thank goodness he’s a kind man, and a practical one, and realizes that I always bust my butt. So he was very supportive and is trying to work something out. But still. It just seems so unprofessional. 

You are probably wondering where my family fits into all of this. Well, the thing is, on a daily basis, they come first. So I TRY not to work between when the kids come home from school and their bedtime – at least not more than once or twice a week. Then I go back to work when they go to bed. Which means late nights are pretty much the norm. I squeeze my charity work in on a weekend day (not enough time, so I’m always behind in emails and thank yous) and have a day leftover for family time. Sacred family time. But that means I don’t sleep much. So I get tired, and my body shuts down, and I get sick (had pneumonia a couple weeks ago,) etc. And get behind so that I need to do more night work. Many things that are necessary, but not urgent, like laundry and lease agreements and christmas decorations, get put off and off and off, or don’t happen at all. 

I know – woe is me. I guess this is the same dilemna that pretty much any mom working outside the home faces… probably a lot of you reading can relate. (YES, please leave comments! I’ve been so lonely without comments lately.) I should play my tiny violin, lol. Want to join in? We could have an orchestra of tiny violins.

But seriously, I have a very blessed, very full life, and for that I am infinitely grateful. I’m grateful for the medicines that allow me to function and all the opportunities that have come my way. I’m just really really tired. And I HATE not to be able to do something. Limits SUCK.

Sugar and Spice baked cookies this morning, mixed lemonade and brwed mint tea. And after two hours on the corner of a busy, street, they had made $31 in profits! Way to go girls!

There are of course lots of lessons you can learn through busienss.. the girls learned about quarters today, and how you need 4 to make a whole dollar. They learned about adding halfs and all sorts of other fun math stuff. Plus, they greeted people, showed they had to sell, and even waved down new customers, So it was a day full of learning.

Now they are off to the store with their dad to buy toys. But only $11 each. We have two other places that they invested some money – in their learning jars (RESPs or for travel) and in their giving jars, which were cleaned out recently to donate to the SPCA. I think Mormons and Muslim have a great idea about ything or giving a percentage of your income to the less fortunate, and so whenever the girls get some money they skim off some to go into each of those jars.

Anyway, they are out on the town with the “fun” jars! and will be home to show me their acquisitions. Now, I just wonder what they want to do next weekend!

Addendum: They jsut arrived home and have bought “stallions” (We’re reading the Black Stallion now) and silly string.

Lemonade stand, here they come!

Since Daddy started drinking home-made pop, the girls’ weekly revenue source of pop bottles has all but dried up. I simply don’t drink enough wine (bottles, remember,) to keep them in the money.

So this weekend they are starting their first out-of-the-home business and setting up a lemonade stand. I’ll tell you they have big plans for the proceeds – something to do with ponies and fairies.

Lemonade                                  $.50

Mint tea                                      $.50

Cookies                                      $1.00

2 Cookies + a Drink Combo      $2.00

On Saturday, catch us on Richter Street in the Mission! Go my entrepreneurial girls, go!

I know it’s a short month, but it just seemed to fly by.  There wasn’t enough time in the day for anything – many of the committments I had got bumped for others. I’m sort of doing a half-job of almost everything.

When’s the last time I baked bread? Last week? I usually bake bread ever day or two. (I know, I know; play my little violin.)

But March is here and slowly stuff is being ticked off the to-do list. One part of one of my contracts (a big milestone) is done. The other contract is centred around March, so when this month blows by, I’ll pick up all the other pieces. In the meanwhile, the girls are doing well and going with the flow, as usual. Jrock and I haven’t seen as much of each other, but they’ve got more face-time with him, two-on-one, which is showing in their relationship. (A bad example, but when I pinched Sugar’s chin in her bike helmet strap yesterday, she started crying for Daddy immediately. Poor little tyke. She had a little blood blister to show for it.)

One thing I’ve learned in the last couple of years is that I (now) do better with a slower pace – time for biking and baking and puttering. Deep breath – next month I’ll get my balance back. And we will take a weekend away later this coming month, which will be our first vacation as a family. Totally looking forward to that!

Some residual non-posted tid-bits from February. Enjoy! [click the pic 2x to see it bigger and bigger]

Two weeks ago I made my annual trip up north. 

Officially, I go up there to work – but really, I could do everything from home.  The real reason is to see my family – my parents still live up there and my brother and sister-in-law are living up there for two years as well.  It’s also nice to touch base with my roots and where I grew up. 

One of the highlights was getting to go out boating twice – we did this so much growing up and I really miss it.  My dad’s boat has been out of commission for two years but we got to take out another one belonging to a friend (that my dad built years ago.) I’ve included a short video of our two mellow trips below.

Enjoy the pictures… they give you a taste of Northern life.

A little riverboating video (warning – very mellow!)

I’ve been up in northern BC visiting my family and working for the last few days… it’s beautiful spring up in the Peace River country. Here a couple of shots of my family (minus the children-in-laws) and the scenery at this time of year.  More fun fam shots to come!

Dad and little B planting an apple tree in the backyard.  What a good son!

Mom and I on a walk out on the breaks… 

Visiting an artist friend, Mike Kroecher.  His work is just awesome – and we enjoyed a morning of green tea, great views and a tour of his studio.

Views along the Peace River from today…

On the shore of Williston Lake

And back at the parents’, trying to get a good family shot… but constantly foiled! First, by my bro not smiling and then by my father answering the cell phone. Sheesh.

Finally, a nice family pic…

I have quite a few jobs.. some careers, some whims and some small businesses. Jrock and I were talking in the last while about how we’re going to pay the bills while I’m on mat leave.  At least we’ve figured out the part-time work! after that is finished, but the mat leave is quite a challenge.  (Living in Kelowna – not so cheap.)

Anyway, I have a business idea that I want to run by some of you adoptive parents (as you would be my first target market… before I expand and take over the WORLD!) lol. It would work well to do in evenings and weekend afternoons.

I am interested in making cloth dolls with made-to-order features to resemble different members of your family.  So for each 10″ or 14″ doll, you would specify big/small person, skin colour, hair colour and style, and eye colour.  The dolls would be made with cotton, filled with organic wheat (so that you can stick them in the microwave for a minute and heat them up) and be decorated with painted eyes, nose and mouth.  They would wear very simple clothes (a dress for girls, pants and shirt for boys) made of “recycled” fun fabrics. Just like my other businesses, 5% of the proceeds would be donated to charity: probably the Stephen Lewis Foundation in this case.

Here is a very basic sketch of what they would look like… (I sew better than I draw!)

Can you guess which family this is??? Hint: they have a link off my blog

Anyway, the idea is that not only would your kid have a doll that looks like them, but that they could have a family of dolls that looks just like your family.

• So I ask you…  good idea?  Dumb?
• Are the dolls too simple?
• Do you like them filled with wheat or washable, instead?
•  What would you pay for one doll? 
• What would you pay for a family of four dolls? (2 14″ parents and 2 10″ kids, for example.)
• Any other suggestions?

Thanks for your feedback!

Nicky

I really have been adapting pretty well to work part-time… although, I don’t seem to have any more time than I used to.  Mostly, I think that it’s because I am renovating away on the house, and because I haven’t been feeling that well.  But certainly, I can chalk some of it up to procrastination.  This happens at least one afternoon a week:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P785j15Tzk]

I know, I know.  It’s only been 3 weeks since our file went to Ethiopia.  And Kidslink has very clearly told us that the expected wait for a referral is 6-8 months.  BUT… there are so many people getting referrals sooner… just a couple days ago one couple got a referral for a 3 year old boy in 1 week.  1 week! And several couples this summer had referrals for siblings in about a month. 

I know waiting is part of the process, but this stinks.  We’re all done our homework.  I’ve read every book on adoption and parenting known to man.  We’ve bought everything we can to prepare when we don’t know the age or gender of our kids.  Now we’re just hanging here waiting.  Jrock, of course, is handing this a lot better than I am.  He’s also a pretty patient man

Honestly, it’s all I can think about.  Work is going well – you know, I don’t know if I ever posted it, but at the end of August (just a week after I quit the last job) I got a call and am doing what I used to do.  And that takes time and energy.  BUT… I can’t shut off my brain. Writing in this blog was helpful for watching the time go by when something was happening.  But now I have nothing to write about kids/adoption because we are just waiting.

Waiting just stinks.  Referral soon… please…..

I am now much happier!

So I’ve decided that I am OUT OF THERE.  As soon as I find something else, I will leave this miserable job. I’ve never quit a job before, but there is a first for everything! I’ve only been working there for 4 weeks, and I’ve come home a few times in tears.  So there you go.

In the meanwhile, I have to try to muster up the energy (I find working when you don’t like it VERY draining) and get to writing (which I really enjoy.)  Can’t get a good girl down!

Rah rah!  Cheer Cheer! Go girl go! Write, dang you, write!