Values-based Parenting
Oct. 25th | Posted by Nicky
4 comments
A friend gave us a book (“The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers” – bad name, but good book) and inside was a small section on values-based parenting. Well, in the work I do we also use a lot of value-based planning and value-based management. In fact,a book that was very helpful to get our relationship off on a good foundation was “Smart Couples Finish Rich”, another good book with a bad title. It’s about arranging the business side of your marriage (finances, responsibilities, etc.) around the things that are most important to you.
Anyway this little collection of paragraphs struck a chord with us. We’ve had several talks since about “what is it that we really want to teach our kids?” And I don’t mean to make their beds, but rather, to be responsible for their roles as family members. The idea is that if you have it top of mind what your core values are, as parents, then the day to day “what the heck am I going to do in this situation?” questions are easier to act on in a cohesive way. Your responses to your kids become for long-term focused instead of reactionary. That’s the idea, anyway!
So these are our values we have come up with so far (in no particular order) – I’m sure there will be others we add over time. Please feel free to post comments with some of your core values for parenting.
- Compassion: for people and animals. They certainly have come a long way in understanding emotions and empathizing with the dogs and with us. A lot of this is role modelling, and then taking time to read expressions, and puppy body language.
- Self-assurance: Knowing who you are, and that you can do what you set your mind too. We try not to help at every turn, to climb the jungle gym or do up a sweater; rather, we tell them that we believe in them and coach them to succeed.
- Responsibility: There is a big world out there and we have many roles to play, as part of a family, and as part of our community. So we take them to rallies and drop off clothes at the Salvation Army, etc. One other tangible thing is that we don’t waste food or water… so if they ask for something, like a half a banana, they have to finish it or eat it later. (But if we give them food, they can choose when to stop eating.)
Great topic Nicky! I whole heartedly agree with all three of them. In our family, something we really strive for is to look for the best in every situation. That means that when we see someone doing bad we can try to find the best possible reason that they would do that bad thing. It may be idealistic, but it always gives us something positive to focus on in any situation. It is also helpful when there are conflicts among members of our family. When my bike was stolen from outside our local library, the kids had a great time trying to figure out why someone would take it. One of the best ideas was that the person stealing it was going to give birth and had to get to the hospital really quickly and didn’t have time to ask us for the bike. They also thought the infant bike seat that was attached would come in handy for putting the new baby in!!!!!!
I love reading your blog and watching your girls blossom.
Natasha
This is very much the core of our parenting also. Such a good topic Nicky! With the right root or values our children will be able to handle, cope, have strength… with all that life has to offer. here are a few of ours: compassion is a big one for us as well
respect: respect for ourselves, respect for others, respect for the planet, for our ancestors, for the generations that will come after us, for all living things. This word (with all that comes with it attached) is spoken daily at in our home.
love: understanding that everyone/thing is deserving of love…that love is the greatest alchemy…ability to transform
Honesty: this one has an element of the obvious But it also has a more subtle side, which has just as much value. That we live our lives truthfully, that what we do is honest and in line with our beliefs. That what we buy is in harmony with our thoughts on global sustainability. That what we eat reflects our understanding of the circle of life and foods effects on our bodies. Living authentically. There is nothing more powerful to our children then our actions, so for our kids to see what we do being parallel to what we say is of paramount importance….especially since they are such effective mimics (which is often our best teacher when we are going through a time when we are not in harmony with ourselves)
Some awesome comments, here… thank ladies!
It makes me tink that part of our responsibility is to liv life with purpose – not to mill about and let yourselve just float or watch life go by – but to make purposeful descisions and back them up y action. And that can be in relationships, as well as the community, globally, etc.
Another way to put it is the often quoted “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
Cheers!
Love to see what others have to say.,
Those are great core values Nicky.
I guess “kindness” goes hand-in-hand with compassion and respect. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family and the only thing our parents were united on was that we treat other people and all animals with kindness and respect.
Thankfully, I married someone (well, the second time around!) who grew up with the same values. It’s great that we are on the same page in terms of how we want to raise our son.
Karen