I haven’t really written much about all the ups and downs of our court dates… It’s kind of hard to know what to say.Â
On one hand, it’s really really hard getting your hopes up time after time and then getting disappointed and worried all over again. It’s especially hard when you do this 6 times. On the other hand, as Jrock said to a friend who was enquiring the other day “we’ve got used to being disappointed and discouraged.” We actually started to plan our trip before the last court date, expecting to finally get going - but we should have known better.
So court date #7 is coming up this Thursday. If we DON’T get through, there isn’t much chance of passing court before the court system shuts down for the rainy season (August through September) and then they play catch up October / November… so IF we don’t get though this week, we may not have our girls home until after Christmas. Yikes. If we do pass court - we’re looking at September.
Our caseworker at the adoption agency sees no reason why this court date shouldn’t go through. We have no idea why it shouldn’t. Why it’s been so long in the first place: well, first, we got caught in the shuffle when the Ethiopian government changed the rules for regional/federal court etc., and were not grandfathered, so they had to go back through the process and find a bunch of stuff. Then we had questions specific to the girls’ history that had to be researched and documented. And some guy wasn’t around to stamp a piece of paper twice. I honestly have no idea what else they could dream up. I’m GLAD that they are taking such care to make sure the children are adoptable and there is no funny business happening. But when I see people getting through on their first court dates and flying off to pick up their kids that they were referred this spring (we were last October - 2008 people!) I do get frustrated and jealous.Â
Our girls are going to spend at least a year in institutional care. Most psychologists use the rule of thumb that for very 3 months in care, a kid will lose 1 month of linear growth. Aside from developmental challenges - my gosh - those girls need to get a family. They probably won’t remember anything else except caregivers and living with tons of other kids by the time we pick them up. Family life will be a distant memory, if not altogether erased from their make-up. And that’s not a good thing.
I am grateful that they don’t know about us yet. Imagine if you were (almost) 3 years old and had to wait a year for something. It would be interminable.Â
That’s one of the biggest things I’m looking forward to when we pass court, though - the girls looking at the photo albums (that are waiting in the agency director’s office for us to pass court,) and seeing our faces and our family’s faces for the first time… Hugging their teddy bears and hearing our voices for the first time (recordable teddies…) Playing with the stickers and little bracelets and knowing that somewhere in a far away place called “Canada”, this mommy and this daddy in the pictures are waiting for them.
Finally, if we pass court, we’ll be closer to picking up our girls. I don’t get annoyed at all when people ask “any news?” (it’s nice to know how many people care-) but I do get frustrated with my replies. “Nothing new.” “Didn’t pass court - again.” When we pass court, it’ll be a couple of months until we pick them up. Finally, I’ll be able to plan for work and let them know for sure when I’ll be leaving (instead of stringing them along, saying I’m leaving “soon,” like I have been for 1 1/2 years.) We’ll pick up the Amharic CD again and start learning the phrases that have escaped us since court date number 2… I think it was #2 when we stopped practicing. We’ll clean out the closet in the kids room, select the right size and season of clothes for them, start packing toys and making lists, toddler-proofing the house… costing out our trip and mostly just getting on with life.Â
As I write this, I sighed and put my head in my hand and started rubbing my temples - because even if I am optimistic by nature, experience has taught me to be cautious. So it’s with a lot of trepidation that I show you my craft that I did tonight (see below.) I learned that toddlers can start learning to “sew” and it’s good for their hand-eye coordination. So I made these little toys out of foam and yarn tonight. Wouldn’t they be nice to take on our trip to Ethiopia? Oh, let’s hope…
June 29th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
This has GOT to be it!!! Hugs and many good wishes!
June 29th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
I will be thinking about you on Thursday Nicky! Anxiously checking your blog for good news as well. The wait has been far too long for you and I really want to be able to see the pics of these girls once you can share them.
I think the crafts look great and will be a lot of fun for two little girls. Looks like a good ice breaker as you are getting to know each other and a great idea to bond with them.
June 29th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
I love you’re little lacers!! they are great…perfect for occupying little hands and mind on the airplane! (and great for their little brains!)
I’m so sorry that this has been such a long, trying experience for you guys. I can understand how even optimism can be muffled underneath all of that disappointment. I hope you are finding ways to let it out!!
We’ll be praying that all goes well and your girls will be in your arms before summers end..no missing papers or people, no power outages or unforeseen delays…
try and keep the faith!
((hugs))
June 29th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
[Nicky], I am hoping so much that #7 will be successful for you! It is so agonizing to see your children grow and change through photos. My son has been in the orphanage for almost a year, and I worry about the long term impact on him as well. It’s so frustrating, especially when there doesn’t seem to be a really good reason for it. It’s all so senseless! I hope that the end is finally in sight for you, so your family can finally be united. I’m sending good vibes your way
June 29th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Oh Nicky, my heart feels so sad for you guys. This is so past stupid, this waiting for court business. You guys had your referral about a week after us and my heart aches that you’re still waiting. I can’t even imagine how hard it is to do this wait over and over again, but I can promise you the minute you see your girls, it’ll warm your heart with love.
June 29th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I sure hope this is it for you guys, your wait has been insane.
One word of warning though so you can prepare and brace yourselves, the wait to travel post court now is four to five months. It is taking up to 6 weeks for paperwork (ours just went and was 5 weeks), then it is on average 10 weeks for visa (based on most recent ones this week), but Imagine is asking us to brace for longer, up to 15 weeks. I just wanted to warn you, we thought our big waits were over once we passed court, we didn’t realize this stage was taking so much longer now and it was a big shock.
We will be thinking of you and your girls and hoping you are officially a family on Thursday.
June 29th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Lucky 7 guys! Hope it goes well.
June 29th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Man o man, Shelley - let’s hope not!!!! although, we do seem to be the longest waiting for everything, so it wouldn’t surprise me…!
Thanks for all the good vibes, friends - we need it!
June 29th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Oh Nicky! I think about you SO OFTEN and pray that things happen for you soon. This has to be the happy court date. It just HAS to. You two are an inspiration in how you’ve dealt with all this and managed to keep smiling and keep functioning. I just can’t imagine how hard it must be. But I KNOW those little girls will be in your arms soon. They will be SO HAPPY to know they have a mommy and daddy coming to get them. Praying for you!
Alysia
June 30th, 2009 at 7:46 am
I wish you the best for your next court date! Lucky number seven, as they say. Love the lacer toys too - what a great idea.
June 30th, 2009 at 8:02 am
I am right here with you, holding my breath.
Heather
June 30th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Sending good vibes your way… I’ve been thinking of you all week and wondering what Thursday will bring. Best of luck you guys. Looking forward to hearing good news next week.
Heidi
P.S. I love the crafts! Your girls will love them too…
June 30th, 2009 at 11:20 am
The date has been on our computer calendar and we’ve been praying for you everyday. Oh, I hope it’s this time! We certainly know about delays and lengthened timelines but this wait is so over the top of the normal crappy stuff we all experience in this wait.
I’m going to steal your lacer idea! It’s perfect for fine motor skills too. As a primary teacher, I can tell you that fine motor skills are so important!
Take care and happy Canada day,
Michelle and David
June 30th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Nicky and Jrock!
There are an awful lot of us out here cheering for you guys and sending many, many positive vibes that 7 is the one…it has been too long of a road for you guys…it is time!
Rana
June 30th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
We’re holding our breath too and praying like crazy that you get some great news!!! We are hoping to travel in September as well - I’d love for our twins to meet yours some night under Ethiopian stars!
I love your crafts too! You’re dreaming of lacing up crafts and I dream of playing with grape play dough… I hope we both get our wishes this fall.
Jenn Lehman
mom to Chelsey (13), Noah (11) and Abebu and Abebech (4 1/2)
June 30th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
yep, in almost every religion and scientific theory, there seems to be a thing about sevens. I hope that that means that this is it for you guys. I still can’t believe it’s been this long of a wait for you and think of you and J. and the girls often. Perhaps we’ll meet in Addis.
June 30th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Lucky court date #7! I sure hope so
June 30th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I’ve been lurking on your blog since our dossier arrived in Ethiopia in May of this year, and I just wanted to say GOOD LUCK. You have been an inspiration to me for how to handle the wait with grace, despite the hurdles, and so I also wanted to say “thanks” for that! I look forward to following the rest of your journey!
June 30th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Nicky and Jrock, I am right here on pins and needles with you guys, but I have faith that this will be the one! and for what it’s worth, the care your girls are getting right now is top notch, as far as ‘institutionalized settings’ go — they are not being ignored, underfed, or left to their own devices. It’s not the same as being in a family (especially such a special family with a mama who makes such cool stuff for you!) but it’s not the typical ‘institutional care’ that specialists refer to, hopefully that gives you some amount of comfort. can’t wait to hear your good news on thursday!!
June 30th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
I think you guys have managed these delays really well…or at least, your public persona seems to have
I have fingers & toes crossed for you guys. And I love the foam toys - what a great idea!
June 30th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I am crossing my fingers for you! I hope you hear some really good news on Thursday.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:30 am
7 was the magic number for me, so there’s proof that it’s lucky
I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping for great news!
Happy Canada Day!
July 1st, 2009 at 8:42 am
Thinking good thoughts for you, Jrock and your girls for Thursday.
Even though the wait post-court is awful too (sorry!), it was much less stressful for me once I knew that the little boy who represented the “hope” of a son was finally, really and truly, legally, MY SON.
I hope that certainty comes for you this week.
Karen T.
July 1st, 2009 at 8:48 am
You’re in my forefront of my mind this week… praying that tomorrow brings your well deserved good news…
July 1st, 2009 at 10:09 am
It’s nice of everyone to say I have handled these delays with grace - really, I’ve been a complete wreck BUT I’m a big poser.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:23 pm
LOVE the laces craft! I’m praying for Thursday to be your day Nicky and Jrock, it’s your time and your girls need to come home; hugs and love to your family
shirley
xoox
*waiting patiently (NOT) for twins/sibs under 5yrs.
July 1st, 2009 at 2:02 pm
I’m rooting for you and hope, hope, hope this is it for you guys!!!
Mary Catherine
July 1st, 2009 at 7:04 pm
More great thoughts to make tomorrow the day.
I hope you guys are able to sleep tonight, or at least stayed out late for Canada day, and maybe that will make the news come even faster.
Thinking of you #7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Has to be the one.
Shannon
July 1st, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I came here just to let you know you’ve been on my mind ~ i’ve been thinking about and praying for you and court!
REALLY hoping to hear good news tomorrow! IT’S TIME!
July 1st, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Nicky,
I think you come through more on your blog then you think….your pain and frustrations are written between the lines and are visible in your eyes in all of your pic’s. Your not a poser, your coping with a crazy huge amount of stress and dealing with it the best you can!! Sometimes pulling the “chin up” act is what we need to make it through the day. Just make sure you let it out somehow, okay?
I just wanted to send you some extra love and let you know that I am praying so so so much that everything comes together tomorrow. I’m sure your probably in “wreck” mode full force tonight, but tomorrow, tomorrow things will change!!
xo