I haven’t really written much about all the ups and downs of our court dates… It’s kind of hard to know what to say. 

On one hand, it’s really really hard getting your hopes up time after time and then getting disappointed and worried all over again.  It’s especially hard when you do this 6 times.  On the other hand, as Jrock said to a friend who was enquiring the other day “we’ve got used to being disappointed and discouraged.”  We actually started to plan our trip before the last court date, expecting to finally get going – but we should have known better.

So court date #7 is coming up this Thursday.  If we DON’T get through, there isn’t much chance of passing court before the court system shuts down for the rainy season (August through September) and then they play catch up October / November… so IF we don’t get though this week, we may not have our girls home until after Christmas.  Yikes. If we do pass court – we’re looking at September.

Our caseworker at the adoption agency sees no reason why this court date shouldn’t go through.  We have no idea why it shouldn’t.  Why it’s been so long in the first place: well, first, we got caught in the shuffle when the Ethiopian government changed the rules for regional/federal court etc., and were not grandfathered, so they had to go back through the process and find a bunch of stuff.  Then we had questions specific to the girls’ history that had to be researched and documented.  And some guy wasn’t around to stamp a piece of paper twice. I honestly have no idea what else they could dream up.  I’m GLAD that they are taking such care to make sure the children are adoptable and there is no funny business happening.  But when I see people getting through on their first court dates and flying off to pick up their kids that they were referred this spring (we were last October – 2008 people!) I do get frustrated and jealous. 

Our girls are going to spend at least a year in institutional care.  Most psychologists use the rule of thumb that for very 3 months in care, a kid will lose 1 month of linear growth.  Aside from developmental challenges – my gosh – those girls need to get a family.  They probably won’t remember anything else except caregivers and living with tons of other kids by the time we pick them up.  Family life will be a distant memory, if not altogether erased from their make-up.  And that’s not a good thing.

I am grateful that they don’t know about us yet.  Imagine if you were (almost) 3 years old and had to wait a year for something. It would be interminable. 

That’s one of the  biggest things I’m looking forward to when we pass court, though - the girls looking at the photo albums (that are waiting in the agency director’s office for us to pass court,) and seeing our faces and our family’s faces for the first time… Hugging their teddy bears and hearing our voices for the first time (recordable teddies…) Playing with the stickers and little bracelets and knowing that somewhere in a far away place called “Canada”, this mommy and this daddy in the pictures are waiting for them.

Finally, if we pass court, we’ll be closer to picking up our girls.  I don’t get annoyed at all when people ask “any news?” (it’s nice to know how many people care-) but I do get frustrated with my replies. “Nothing new.” “Didn’t pass court – again.” When we pass court, it’ll be a couple of months until we pick them up.  Finally, I’ll be able to plan for work and let them know for sure when I’ll be leaving (instead of stringing them along, saying I’m leaving “soon,” like I have been for 1 1/2 years.) We’ll pick up the Amharic CD again and start learning the phrases that have escaped us since court date number 2… I think it was #2 when we stopped practicing.  We’ll clean out the closet in the kids room, select the right size and season of clothes for them, start packing toys and making lists, toddler-proofing the house… costing out our trip and mostly just getting on with life. 

As I write this, I sighed and put my head in my hand and started rubbing my temples – because even if I am optimistic by nature, experience has taught me to be cautious.  So it’s with a lot of trepidation that I show you my craft that I did tonight (see below.)  I learned that toddlers can start learning to “sew” and it’s good for their hand-eye coordination.  So I made these little toys out of foam and yarn tonight.  Wouldn’t they be nice to take on our trip to Ethiopia?  Oh, let’s hope…

It’s been a busy week or so at the Rowan house… summer always seems this way, doesn’t it?  I think that’s half the reason the time flies so quickly…

We’ve gone to our good friends K & S’s for supper and lost our dogs in Westbank during dessert (found them again, thank goodness!), had new friends and their 2 and 4 year olds over to dinner, gone for icecream TOO many times, gardened tons, worked our respective jobs, read a huge stack of books from the library, and…  

Okanagan Life is a lifestyle magazine for BC’s Okanagan Valley… this month is all about families.  I got a call these evening from some friends who get it in the mail raving about the lead feature on adoption. Jrock went to the drugstore to pick up a few copies but it must take a few days to get onto the newstand. Nevertheless, it’s on-line already and you can read it here, or by clicking on the mag picture. I think you’ll enjoy the variety of perspectives…

If there is one thing that ties these families to all other nurturing families in the world, it’s the strong desire to share their love with their children, regardless of who they are or where they came from.

As Rowan says, just like with biological children, adoptive parents don’t know before they meet their kids who they will be. “When giving birth, it is the same leap of faith. You don’t know if your child is going to be a rock star or an electrician or a community worker.”

And like most parents, the moment they see their children, adoptive parents know that they would lay down their lives for them. It’s unconditional love.

Brent Livingstone stands against the counter in his kitchen, his daughter Mekfira cuddled against his leg, her arms around his waist. He looks down at the beautiful little girl and says, “There is no possible way anyone could love anyone more than I love my children.”

Read the full story.

all these books are available in “My Bookstore“, as well as in your local library!

My Father’s Daughter
Pool

My friend T lend me this book, and I ate it up in 2 hours.  It’s the (true) story of a British woman, adopted from Eritrea, who finds her birth family and goes back to Eritrea to meet them.  Fascinating to read about so many commonalities with Ethiopian culture – but more fascinating to imagine similar pilgrimages our kids might go on one day…  

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We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids
M. Ungar

This book is all about raining your children so that they interact with and contribute to their community.  It’s also about combating helicopter-parent syndrome, and helping kids to see there are bigger things in the world than themselves.  I especially like the parts that talk about building a village of safe and caring adults for your kids to have as mentors.

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David Suzuki’s Green Guide
Suzuki and Boyd

This is the most comprehensive, SHORTEST! and most readable guide to making environmentally-friendly decisions in your home that I have read, and I highly recommend it.  Why not do some reading and make up a little list of changes and/or projects with your kids to do over the summer?

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The Connected Child
Purvis, Cross and Sunshine

My mom had this book recommended to her, and I picked it up while I was up north.  Bascially it’s about dealing with adoption-specific issues your kids may have, such as fears, attachment issues, etc.  But what I really like about this book is it’s the first one I’ve read that has suggestions for discipline that promote attachment and work for kids who have been left/hurt/starved… some really great ideas, and even examples of what to say and some coaching on what may be going on with your kids.  My new most recommended book for people adopting older kids or who have kids at home.

Cats can get very poisoned by lilies – if they eat enough, they get kidney failure. So after a close call once with Haatim and some tiger lilies (he was force fed charcoal and barfed for two days) we only have lilies outside! It’s a bit of a shame, since they are Jrock and I’s favorite flowers… but they do look lovely out on the porch.  And the smell – hmmm… heavenly floating on the summer breeze.

This whole “no pesticides no herbicides” thing has been a big deal for my farmer-raised-in-Saskatchewan husband… but he is getting into it and having some real fun gardening these days.

We’ve found a few aphids on the cherry tree and one of the rose bushes (Jrock’s prized roses!!) and he has been diligently soap-straying them.  But yesterday we found out that a local garden store was carrying lady bugs! So we bought 250 of the little buggers (ha ha) and released them in the cherry tree, the rose bush, and my broccoli/cabbage patch last night.  (Last year the aphids overwhelmed the broccoli, kale and cabbages so we couldn’t even eat them. Whoops.)

You keep the barely-moving ladybugs in the fridge until you are ready for them, but when you set them out in the warm evening air – wow! they just wake up and go on an aphid hunt tout-suite! Today, there isn’t an aphid to be found on the cherry tree. And they are pretty cute, too.

If you want to get some yourself, here is the company our “voracious predators” came from: thebuglady.ca She has lots of other bugs and natural pest control stuff on her website… worth checking out!

Out in Stoneboat vineyards

We keep on putting off vacation… it’s this hope that “any month now” we will be whisking off to Ethiopia. So when Jrock had a couple of days between the end of one job and the beginning of the next, we left my visiting father in Kelowna and took off down south.  We stayed at Hanes Point, which is this lovely provincial park in Osoyoos.  It’s on an island with a land bridge, is covered in trees and our campsite had beach access.  Osoyoos, for those of you know don’t know, is in Canada’s desert, (didn’t know we had desert? Yup! We do!) so it can get VERY hot.  But the weather was cooperating and it was a cool (for Osoyoos) 25-29 each day, with cooler nights.  Very nice. Oh, and if our pics don’t look very desert-like, it’s because we spent most of our time in the irrigated valley and the mountains surrounding.

Finding the cache at Hanes Point

We spend some lazy days – swimming in the lake (also bathing – thanks to biodegradable shampoo!), eating out a bit, hiking, running after the dogs on the dog beach, watching late night continuing education videos on the laptop in the trailer, visiting wineries (Twisted Tree, Burrowing Owl, Stoneboat, Nk’Mip, )and geocaching!

On my way back from up North I picked up a hitch-hiker… He was big and bearded and kinda scowly looking.  But no fear – it was my dad! lol

Dad and I shared the driving all the way back in one day (that’s a LONG day) and the next day I deserted him and Jrock.  I had a big work thing to do, and then our Rotary Club was hosting a Lobster Dinner – one night / $40,000 for local charities.  Quite the fundraiser!

But I made it up to them the next day by bringing 3 lobsters home and arranging for a picnic out on the lake.  Or at least, that was the plan… 

We were out in the park with the lobster and ciders cracked (don’t tell the by-law officer) when a HUGE storm blew up.  It was over 45 minutes later, but by then we had walked back home.  Jrock is a bit wimpy about these things, if you must know.  Really whiny, actually!

So we finished off our crustaceans on the back (covered) porch. YUMMY.

Two weeks ago I made my annual trip up north. 

Officially, I go up there to work – but really, I could do everything from home.  The real reason is to see my family – my parents still live up there and my brother and sister-in-law are living up there for two years as well.  It’s also nice to touch base with my roots and where I grew up. 

One of the highlights was getting to go out boating twice – we did this so much growing up and I really miss it.  My dad’s boat has been out of commission for two years but we got to take out another one belonging to a friend (that my dad built years ago.) I’ve included a short video of our two mellow trips below.

Enjoy the pictures… they give you a taste of Northern life.

A little riverboating video (warning – very mellow!)

We called Imagine at 6:30am from an island in the middle of Osoyoos Lake this morning, with a borrowed cellphone.  Despite expecting the best, we were met with bad news.  MOWA ( Ministry of Women’s Affairs, that handles adoption on the Ethio side) has asked for more info.

So our court date was postponed to July 2. 

I’m not sure what to say about this.  We are getting so used to being disappointed, but we actually were so confident this time, we were planning our trip to Ethiopia last night: deciding we would have to take malaria meds since it will be the rainy season and envisioning a side trip to Harar.  It’s like we jinxed ourselves or something.

Thank goodness it is only 3 weeks – STILL.  7 court dates. It’s pretty crazy.  All the relaxation from a week up north (just me) and 4 days in Osoyoos (Jrock and I) seem to have been washed away to be replaced by that uneasy feeling in the stomach again.

I will post about those trips soon, since we had a great time and saw a lot of family – but for now, I’m eating fudge,unpacking the RV, and reading a book to distract the mind.

I really loved this short photo/audio article from the NY Times about a family living in the Big Apple.

Watch the video by clicking on the picture above. Thanks to C for telling me about the story!

We are so very happy for our friends J and C! They are in China picking up their lovely little daughter.  Isn’t she just a cutie-pie? It looks like they are having a bunch of adventures and touring the countryside… and getting to know their daughter.

Check that out!  Yes, it is the great wall!

We can’t wait to meet the newest addition to our circle!  Soon all our daughters will be playing together…