I’ve been listening to proceedings from an adoptive parent’s conference, and one of the adult adoptees referred to this bill of rights.  So I googled it and thought many of you would find it interesting as well. It defiitely has messages about parenting decisions throughout… and, I think, also makes some clear statements about the rights of children as far as extended family’s, school’s, friend’s etc. behavior and attitudes are concerned.  Worth contemplation, anyway.

Transracially Adopted Children’s Bill of Rights

• Every child is entitled to love and full membership in his or her family.
• Every child is entitled to have his or her heritage and culture embraced and valued.
• Every child is entitled to parents who value individuality and enjoy complexity.
• Every child is entitled to parents who understand that this is a race conscious society.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know their child will experience life in ways differently from theirs.
• Every child is entitled to parents who are not seeking to “save” a child or to make the world a better place by adopting.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know belonging to a family is not based on physical matching.
• Every child is entitled to parents who have significant relationships with people of other races.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know transracial adoption changes the family structure forever.
• Every child is entitled to be accepted by his or her extended family members.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know that if they are white they experience the benefits of racism because the country’s system is organized that way.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know they cannot be the sole transmitter of the child’s culture when it is not their own.
• Every child is entitled to grow up with items in their home environment created for and by people of their own race or ethnicity.
• Every child is entitled to have places available to make friends with people of his or her race or ethnicity.
• Every child is entitled to have opportunities in his or her environment to participate in positive experiences with his or her birth culture.
• Every child is entitled to opportunities to build racial pride within his or her own home, school, and neighborhood.

What a face! What a beard!

I thought I would let you know that our puppy Laughlin is growing up and doing very well! He’s only had one accident in the last week. (Of course, it was pretty spectacular – we were upstairs in the family room and must have been missing his signals.  So he jumped up on the back of the couch between us and peed beside our heads.  We got the message then!)

They look like the bad kids caught in the act in this picture! But they actually are very good… (PS: yes, we still have green grass!)

Laughlin’s such a sweet little character and brings a lot of joy to our house.  He still definitely has his moments of puppiness, though, as you will see in the video below!

This morning after eating Shreddies I said to Jrock – “let’s call Imagine and see if they have an update!”

He told me I should just chill – but I needed to check in.  Plus our case worker had said we should be getting an update at the end of the month. 

So I called her despite his advice, and she said “I have an update right here on my desktop!” with a laugh. “I will email it right to you!”

So Jrock was late to work while we printed off the pictures.  I can’t share the pics, since we haven’t been through court – but I can describe!

There were a couple of  pictures of the girls each – all in WAY TOO BIG agency soccer jerseys and shorts! Actually, their shirts and short were so big that the shorts go right down to their ankles.  They are smiling, have beautiful eyes – and are TOTALLY bald!  I guess the folks at the agency wanted to shave their heads because their hair was brittle (from being undernourished) and shaving gives their healthy new hair a good start.  Also one of the girls has a scalp rash (maybe the beginnings of the dreaded fungus?!?) so it makes it easier to treat.

The hilarious thing is that they have a “team picture” with the other kids (not babies) in the transition home.  Our girls are like, 1/2 the size!  of most of the other kids! And I mean 1/2 the size of a five year old!  They are so very tiny, swimming in their soccer uniforms and grinning from ear to ear.  So very cute.

We also got a great list of developmental milestones.  We found out that the girls can run and not fall over , and one can jump with two feet but the other can only try! We also found that they are trying to dress themselves (but can’t quite manage – cute!) And they are toilet trained (hope that sticks!) and that they have teeth coming in.

Anyway, I printed a million copies, and pasted them all around the house.  Daddy ran off with his pics to work to show them off too.  We are the proudest parent, I tell ya.

I especially can’t get over how small they actually are.  They are not quite kids – not babies… but definitly tiny and cute… or, as we are learning to say in Amharic: precious.

I am so grateful for OKFCA, the group of families we have here in the Okanagan.  It’s a great network and support system. 

M and A opening up my presents – I love giving books!

One thing we started doing earlier this year was having showers for the newly adopted kids from Africa.  We think it’s important to welcome these kids into our community.  (And in some case, because they may not get a “baby” shower otherwise… for some reason, adopting families often get less congrats and whoorahs.  Don’t know why.)

On Saturday we had a great time celebrating the arrival of two new Okanagan residents: 3 year olds M and A, and their moms K and N. A you have met before in a previous post.  So yours truly organized a swim at the local rec centre, followed by a party with cookies, fruit, juice and presents in one of the adjoining meeting room. Here are some of my favorite pictures!

Before I forget, I want to give a ‘shout out’ to the awesome moms who brought all the goodies and chipped in for the location!  AND, thanks so much to the moms and dads who drove all the way from the North Okanagan, EACH with 4-5 kids in tow!

And by the way, do you see a lot of men in these pictures?  There were 5 dads who came and swam and played with the kids - yeah for dads! I was so glad you were all there!

These are the tiniest underwear I have seen in my life.

Some things are a little different preparing for babies coming home through adoption vers from the hospital.  For one thing, the kids aren’t a reliable size.  You don’t know how far along they are in their development – and, you need to be prepared for the darndest things.

Let’s start with the darndest things! One our baby shopping list are things like:

• lice shampoo and combs
• chewable vitamins
• super itsy-bitsy Disney Princess underwear (the only brand that makes a size small enough to fit them -thanks for the tip Sheri!)
• parasite meds
• voice recordable teddy bears (to send to them when we get through court)
• a whole box of hairbands, hair combs, barrettes and beads

We also are arranging for things like

• finding a pediatric dentist
• getting an appointment for assessment at the local child development centre
• going over files with the doctor
• leaving our animals and home for 2 weeks
• connecting with a diaper service – they probably will regress in this department
• watching parenting / discipline / adoption related videos from the AFABC

We’ve started buying some basic clothing too, like undies and sleepers and PJs and some shirts and sweaters.  My MIL is also raiding the second hand store where she volunteers. 

Luckily, we’ve had some wise advice about sizing from people in the know… the girls are (on average) 33 inches tall but only weigh 21 lbs.  By height, they wear 2-3T clothes.  By weight? 12-18 months.  They are basically all belly but don’t have any meat on them.  So we’re aiming for 2-3T shirts and dresses, and 18month to 2 year pants. Seriously! And those bottoms may be too big. They probably won’t grow much before we pick them up – but typically when they get to Canada, they should grow like weeds.  A nice family who adopted twin girls about the same age in the spring of lat year told us their girls had each put on 10 lbs since March!  Wow.  21-31 lbs is a big jump. So they won’t be in those 18 month pants for very long.

As far as toys go, even… we just don’t know where they are at.  So the toys we have are a mix of 2,3,4 year old appropriate things – and we’ll just have to slowly go through them with the girls and see what they can manage and what is too much. We actually don’t have many toys at all… they probably won’t need many at first and we figure we can always add along the way.

Of course, like all parents, there is also a lot of self reflection involved in preparation.  One thing I’m feeling already is that we won’t be the type of parents who are concerned that their kids aren’t meeting their development milestones “on time”.  Heck, we don’t have a “time”.  We don’t know exactly how old they are! So we’ll just jump off wherever we start up.

The other thing I am sensing, though, is we will be the very involved and proactive types.  I think being an advocate for our girls, so they have access to the best resources, is important - be it a speech pathologist or good nutrition or their own library cards. 

I guess part of becoming a parent is that you learn and grow yourself!

This part of the wait (aka adoption process) is much easier than waiting for a referral.  That said, it’s still waiting…

Our agency (Imagine Adoption) sends out updates every month on the kids.  It’s supposed to have new pictures of them, as well as notes on how they are doing, what they are learning, and bits about their personalities. 

The description of their personalities is the part I think Jrock and I are most anxious about and interested in.  When we got the referral, we received pictures two awe-struck little girls who had been moved that day from the orphanage to the agency transition home.  So their pictures probably show a bit about what they are like in stressful situations… but not how they play, or smile, or laugh.  Those impressions, those insights into who they are on a daily basis, those are the things we are hungry for.

The agency does one floor in the home a week – takes pictures and writes reports.  One of our friends has 4 year old girls that we assume are in the same area of the transition home.  Her update last month was in the last week.  So we hope that we’ll get some information next week!

And MORE kids room murals! This is my favorite of the rooms my sister has done, I think!

Dr. Seus stuff is just AWESOME.

have you ever seen kids room murals like this?

And yes, she does travel! Contact her at silena-ann@shaw.ca or leave me a comment and I’ll hook you up. She lives in Invermere, BC, which is only 2 hours from Calgary.

To see all the pics up close, just on the thumbnail below.

a jungle-themed room she did for a little boy

I thought I would show you some more of my sister’s murals…  for all your viewing pleasure (and potential patronage!) I have included some pictures of her work.  Pretty cool, eh?

And yes, she does travel! Contact her at silena-ann@shaw.ca or leave me a comment and I’ll hook you up. She lives in Invermere, BC, which is only 2 hours from Calgary.

To see all the pics up close, just on the thumbnail below.

My sister is a great artist – really.  She’s an art teacher with a fine arts degree and a pile of talent.

She’s also done a few baby room murals for different clients, with great results.  I’ll post a few of them up here in a week or so, in case any of you folks in Calgary are interested.  (Her email is silena-ann@shaw.ca and she will travel from Inveremere BC to Calgary to do them, since she can stay with our family there.)

In the meanwhile, just to whet your appetite… she was in class the other day and doodled out the characters for the walls in our girls’ room.  I can’t wait to see the results! 

6.17

Average number of children born per woman in Ethiopia (2008 estimate). Canada’s fertility rate is 1.57 children. (Source: CIA World Factbook)

5.4 million

Number of orphans in Ethiopia. More than a million children have lost one or both parents to HIV/AIDS. In 2003, about 35,000 newborns were living with the disease. (Source: Canadian International Development Agency)

1,800

Number of Ethiopian orphans adopted by foreigners each year.

80.7%

Population living below $2 US a day. Ethiopia is one of the poorest countries in the world, where agriculture is the main source of income for more than eight out of 10 people. (Source: International Fund for Agricultural Development)

Copied from the Calgary Herald

I really don’t find this wait half as difficult as waiting for a referral.  Honestly, now we have something (someones!) to wait for.  We have their pictures in most rooms of the house, just pasted on the walls… we speculate about their personalities, discuss different attachment, parenting, development, play, etc. issues, and even get to “nest”.

Daddy painting the windows

Mommy putting the beds together

Last weekend we started on the girls’ room – Jrock and I painted it in 2 days.  Then we put the beds together that we acquired last week.  They are lovely 50+ year old twin beds – just perfect for our girls.  We had to do a little renoing of the beds, since they had old fashioned, too tall, too springy and finger-pinching springs. But with new slats and waferboard bottoms, they were ready to go – rubber covered mattresses and all. 

view from the door

the other bed by the door

We also purchased another quilt this week.  Jrock got me the first one 1 1/2 ago for our ‘cotton’ wedding anniversary.  But now we need two!  So we tracked down the lady who made it and sold it at the Farmer’s market, and bought another similar quilt.  Pretty cute, eh?

the rocking chair still needs to be repaired and a cover sewn

no fish, lots of boxes and some general chaos

So the room is NOT finished – there are no fish in the fish tank – I thought the girls could pick them out when they get home.  My sister is doing some murals on the walls over Christmas.  And there are lots of other things… but it’s started.  We will be installing a new light fixture soon – care to weigh in on your choice? The green chandelier (a bit larger than the picture) or the aged bronzed chandelier?

Option 1

A wonderful story about a family in Saskatoon and their two little twin Ethiopian daughters…

“It doesn’t take long for the curious, big-eyed, three-year old Tag to clamber up beside me on the couch as I’m talking to her dad and gently reach out to feel the texture of my salt and pepper beard.

While Clayton Sparks and his spouse, Cheryl, describe their life-altering trip to Ethiopia in July to bring home twin sisters placed for adoption in December by parents unable any longer to provide for the girls’ survival, the more outgoing of the twins is busy exploring my camera and pen and whispering in my ear — what, exactly, I can’t tell.

Tag’s sister, Messa, meanwhile, is curled up on Cheryl’s lap and looking on shyly, while the couple’s six-year-old daughter, Jordyn, chimes in to explain how and what she and her new siblings have been doing since they all got home in mid-August.

Looking at the happy, beautiful twins who are now settling into their comfortable new home in Silverspring, it’s tough to imagine they once shared a tiny mud hut with their parents and four other siblings in a village in Ethiopia’s parched and destitute Kembata region, or that they potentially were just weeks away from dying of malnutrition — as the whiteness of their hair at surrender attested.”

Read more…

One of the first questions my mother-in-law and a few friends asked me when they found out about our referral of twin girls was “are you going to dress them alike?”

My answer? “Not really.”

Of course, every once and a while it will be nice to have them in complimentary outfits, for pictures and the like.  But I want them to develop their own personalities and own identities… not just to be one half of a pair.

Along that vein, our very first shower gift was from my good friend L, who bought us two cute-as-can-be tops that are similar but not exactly the same. Right on! 

My mother-in-law is in general in charge of clothing reconnaissance, as she works (volunteers) in a second-hand clothing store and is the official in-coming children’s clothes sorter.  So she gets the pick of all the clothes for $2 a bag.  Can’t beat that!

She would like the girls to have SOME matching clothes though; (got to keep my purchasing agent happy,) so she surprised us with some brand-new pants, tops and Dora bathing suits from Sears this week.  The Dora suits might be a covert operation – I told her that cartoon bedding sets were out of the question – but they are pretty darn cute, I have to say.

And here is my one attempt at matchy matchy:

Matching political statements doesn’t REALLY count, does it? lol

Them’s my girls!

The Calgary Herald just produced a few articles on adoption, and actually profiled a family adopting from Ethiopia.  Click the photos throughout this post to see more pictures, check out the videos, or click on the links below (I’ll update them as they are published).

Saturday: The Path to Ethiopia. The Bailey family faces obstacles — time, money, paperwork — to expand their family. Photos.  Video.

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Sunday: Meeting Mamush. The Baileys go to Ethiopia, but will this young orphan find a spot in their family? Photos. Video.

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Monday: Mamush comes to Canada. Homesickness, language barriers and discrimination — the struggles to adapt to a new country. Photos.  Video.

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Tuesday: Trends, tragedies and triumphs. How international adoption is changing the world. Photos.

Another article is impressions of Addiss Ababa from the reporter, who went with the family to Ethiopia.

“Coffee, pizza and poverty.

That’s a quick snapshot of Ethiopia – the east Africa nation of more than 78 million people – in three, very simplistic, words.

The coffee – this black, impossibly strong and rich nectar of the Ethiopian gods – puts most Starbucks blends to shame.”  Read more…

Some people wonder how I find the time to update all this stuff on my blog.  Well, I have two secrets for you.

1. I sometimes write a few posts at once and then set them up to release over the course of a few days.  Like, I’m writing this post on Monday, but it will appear on Friday. (Ticky, tricky, eh?)
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   . AND
2. I have an assistant!

He basically does all the photo uploading, writing, and replying to comments.  I just pose for the pictures and give him creative direction.