Last week I got two anonymous comments asking about our decision to change/add to the girls’ names. Here is a bit of one of them:

“I noticed that you mentioned you were changing the names of the girls…I was wondering why you’re doing that? Are you planning to give them ‘white’ names or Ethiopian names?”

Few questions are as controversial among adoptive parents – there are many people out there who think it is incredibly important to keep your children’s names and others who believe in the importance of giving a name to their children, adopted or otherwise.

Of course, not all adoptive situations are alike.  Some children’s names were given to them by their birth parents.  Obviously those names are special and significant.  Some children’s names are simply assigned to them by orphanage caregivers because they don’t have a name or no one knows their name. Some children are just babies and don’t recognize their names – others are toddlers and older children who have a forming identity that includes their own name. Some kids have names that easily transition into their new culture; others have names that mean something entirely different in the new language and are fuel for playground teasing.

So here is our reasoning and personal choice for our girls… I would love to hear from others about their choices…

Our girls have lovely Ethiopian names.  One of their names is easy to pronounce in English; the other is very difficult.  Their names have significance.  And they know each other by those names.

On the other hand, we want to give a gift of names to our girls… my name (shocker: not Nicky!) is the best gift I ever got from my parents.  I believe that naming is part of the “claiming” process (as in the psychology of parenting term) – of making them our own.  And I want the girls to have connections to their whole family – meaning, their Ethiopian heritage and family, and their Canadian family.

So our girls will officially have long names!  One daughter’s first name is a beautiful and very common plant in Ethiopia. (All the women in my family are names after plants.) It is actually quite similar to my sister-in-law’s name, although, I have to say, mostly by coincidence.  Her second name is her Ethiopian name, her third name is after my best friend, who is an amazing female role model.

Our other daughter’s complete name includes her Ethiopian name as a second name, a family name that refers to my grandmother and mother and also doubles as a flower name, and the last name of my favorite singer and civil-rights activist (who happens to be African-American – but that’s not why I chose the name.)

So they each have the plant-names that are part of our family’s tradition, each have a strong female role-model, and their Ethiopian names.

What will they go by?  Well, that will be up to them.  And I suspect that will change over time! as little girls turn into teens, who turn into women.  I envision that we will call them by their new first names in general, but also their Ethiopian names as special loving/cuddling names between ourselves.  To start, we’ll use them both (verbally like a hyphenated name) and then we’ll see – they are between 2-3 years old, so they will definitely make the decision themselves!

Anyway, I hope that answered your question. 

‘White’ names? Not really. (Sorry I won’t share their actual names on-line, but you’ll have to take my word they are pretty non-culture specific…) 

Family names? Yes. 

Strong role-model names? Yes.

Botanical names? Yes!

And Ethiopian names? Also, yes.

Like many adoptive parents, we try to keep learning as much as we can about our kids’ country of birth.  Last week I got a bunch of books out from the library.  This one was the best of the bunch for sure – we’ve been going through it as we eat breakfast each morning and learning a ton.  

“Cultures of the World: Ethiopia” was published in 2007, so it’s pretty up-to-date.  It walks you through the geography, history, government, economy, culture and lifestyle of Ethiopia and its people.  It has a lot more depth and cultural insight than the info I’ve got on-line and from other books, especially about Ethiopia’s multiculture culture/language strategy and realities. Definitely one to add to your collection! 

You can probably find it in your local library (authors Gish, Thay and Latif) or get your own copy form my bookstore.  Enjoy!

Lockie-loon and Magsters

Aren’t they cute?  They are both so great with kids – I think the challenge will be more training the girls to be good with the dogs!

Actually, many small children are VERY scared of dogs in Ethiopia… especially since it’s common practice  in some areas to leave the garbage out at night for the hyenas… yikes! I’d be scared of dogs too!

So they photos that we are sending over in the album we have dogs and cats everywhere – which is pretty typical for our life! So at least they won’t be shocked that they exist; just that they are running around and licking and wagging and meowing and playing and…!

It will be a busy house, for sure.

It was Thursday at 1pm.  Unbeknown to us, 6 full emails were landing in our inbox.

Twin girls! Wow!

At 1:15 or so, Jrock got a call at work… it was the Adoption Centre in Kelowna.  “Congratulations, Daddy!” he heard on the phone. “You are a father to twin girls!” Jrock was ecstatic, thanked the lady profusely and asked her not to tell me what the big news was.  He hung up, and then told everyone in his office the good news.  He works with a lot of women, so there was a lot of exclamations, hugs and tears.

In the meanwhile, I was driving home from work.  I had a split shift that day, so I decided to do a little grocery shopping, and shopped by the bakery for a piece of cake. When I got home, I let the dogs out, make a pot of tea, put my piece of cake on a plate, and heading out to the deck with a magazine and the telephone tucked into the serving tray.  I sat down, had a bite of cake, and then checked the messages.

Message one: Call the Adoption Centre.

Message two (from my husband): Do not open the email until I get home!

My heart started to race and I called the Adoption Centre.  Sure enough, she said that the emails were sent to me and I should check if I received them. There they were – sure enough.  But I couldn’t open them. Even worse?  Jrock was scheduled to get home at 6pm, but my next shift started at 5:30.  We wouldn’t be together to open the files until 8:30 that night.  Agony!

So I called Jrock at work.  Out of the office.  So I called my best friend, who is also a doctor, and told her the happy news… I told her I’d forward the emails and asked her to review them so she’d be ready to talk about the children’s medical files at 9pm.  I squinted my eyes, and one by one, forwarded the emails.  By the way, my pulse was still racing – I think I was swept up in a tide of adrenaline until 2 days later!

She called me back in 1/2 hour… “Don’t tell me!” I exclaimed. 

She chuckled, and laughed: “Can I tell you anyway that they are REALLY cute?”

The rest of the afternoon I frantically started to prepare the surprise for my parents.  We had this surprise scheme concocted that I’ll tell you all about in a subsequent post… but for now, suffice to say that I had to track down my brother.  I must have had him paged six times at his school and called his cell ten times. Finally, he called me back and I told him the news.  He was driving in the car and let out a big whoop! In our excitement made plans for the parental surprise. Near the end of the conversation, I heard “Oh $*#%^%!  I’ve been hit by a car!” My poor brother – he had parked in a parking lot to talk to me, but a mini-van had backed into his PARKED car! Sheesh.  So I let him go and tried like crazy to prepare for work that night. 

Meanwhile, my cake and tea had grown cold on the deck.  I was so excited – I guzzled a little tea, but I couldn’t finish my cake at all – in fact, I barely ate for the next two days, I was so excited!

Three hours of work… very hard to concentrate.  Then, finally, I was driving the very short distance home.  All I could think about was those emails and what we’d learn.  Remember, all we had requested wa two kids under four year old – so we didn’t know gender, or age…

Over the radio, a song started playing.  I don’t know what it is called, but it’s an old catchy tune that goes “Heyyyy-yah!  Follow your daughter home…  heyyyy-yah!  follow your daughter home!” I think the tune is about chasing your rowdy teen daughter home to bed at night, but no matter! – I thought “Could it be?  A girl?  Two girls?”

Heyyyy-yah!  Follow your daughter home!

I burst into the door and yelled up the stairs.  J came running down, we hugged, I dropped all my stuff and we ran to the computer.  And this is what happened….

Story to be continued in a later post…

Amazing, astounding news…

We are parents!

To two lovely 2+ year old little girls.

Never in our wildest dreams did we dream of two girls – much less 2 year old twins! Daddy is a little shocked – Mommy is overwhelmed.

We received an email from our agency Thursday afternoon and had to suffer through 7 more hours apart before both of us were home together at 8:30pm to open the email and see our daughters for the first time. 13 months, 20 days and 6 more hours… and worth every minute. We are incredibly excited and thrilled.

Thank you for celebrating with us! We will post more video / info when we can!

Nicky & Jrock

FAQs

When do you travel to Ethiopia to pick them up?

There is a court process for them to legally become our kids (2-8 weeks) and then an immigration/citizenship process (1-4 months). THEN, we will be able to fly to Ethiopia and pick them up.  So we are guessing now – February or March? But only a guess. 

So this is for sure now?

Well – 95% for sure.  There is a possibility that the court process may not go through, but that has only happened to one family of the dozens we know. So we are optimistic. 

Are you changing their names?

Yes and no.  We will be keeping their beautiful Ethiopian names as middle names.  We’re selecting new first names over the next while.

Are you prepared?

Heck no! We weren’t sure about ages or genders, so our kids room looks like some kind of explosion zone.  We don’t know if they will be in cribs or beds, for example, so we’ll have to get another of one or the other… but the nesting is definitely one of the most pleasurable things about becoming new parents, right? 

Why did you put 2+ years as their age?

Their birth date is exactly the same date they came into the Ethiopian orphanage, so we are making an educated guess that they made an educated guess about their ages.  But they are probably between 2-3 years old…   Currently one girl is 20 lbs and 33.5 inches; the other girl is 21 lbs and 34 inches.

Are they identical twins?

We don’t know! They sure look alike.  But we could also immediately tell them apart, so…? J 

Some inspiration…

from Nelson Mandela

“Children are the rock on which our future will be built.”

from Kahlil Gibran – a Lebanese poet

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Three Pairs of Dress Shoes – $150

Jrock’s Glasses – $436

My Earrings – $30

A Teething Puppy?

Priceless.

A little birdie told me that we will have some very good news, very soon!

Check back often!

My poor husband – I drag him all over the place volunteering…

This past weekend we planted trees (oh yes, one of the hardest jobs out there!) on a rocky rocky hill.  In the middle of Kelowna is a hill called Knox Mountain, and the city just bought some semi-bulldozed land with a ecologically special akaline lake… from the developer that managed to plow down a bunch of the trees before selling it back to the city. 

Our Rotary club members and their families planted a good 1500+ trees in a couple of hours.

The work was hard but the view was spectacular! Enjoy the short video pan of the city on a lovely autumn day.

As you’ve probably figured out by now, volunteering is one of my major hobbies.  Last year I volunteered with Kelowna Community Resources to be a “buddy” with new immigrants who have just arrived in Kelowna.  The point of the program is to match newcomers with locals so that the new immigrant families have a social contact – someone to speak English with and learn the Canadian way of life. 

My first partner was a German lady – we went for coffee and couple of times and walked the dogs… and then she got her feet under her and we didn’t meet anymore.  That’s the way it goes – either a short term acquaintance or a long-term friendship – either way, they have met a friendly face.

Today I went to visit my new newcomers!  They are a fun couple about our age from Taiwan.  He is a Phd candidate (and speaks pretty good English) and she is taking English classes all day so she wil eventually be able to find a job and settle in.  They have a 6 year old daughter, and it was really funny to hear them describe Canadian school through their Taiwanese eyes – “all she does is play all day!” they exclaimed with concern.  Apparently Taiwanese 1st graders study all evening with homework… not so much here!  But apparently their daughter just loves it here and is happy as a clam.

Anyway, they are pretty cool and I think we’ll enjoy hanging out with them.  This is definitely  one of the more rewarding volunteering experiences out there – you get new friends and learn about a new culture.  Good deal!

Somebody loves his new puppy! and brought home a new toy for him…

…despite the fact that Laughlin, while watching TV with Jrock with the other day, pooped on the back of the sofa right beside his head.

AND, despite the fact that a certain little puppy who was having a nap with me the other day, peed on my duvet and I woke up with cold, damp and smelly feet… well, I still gave the toy to him and cleaned up the toy remains when Maggie was done tearing up a part of it.

We love them. That’s the only explanation.

By the way, we are not neglecting our poor cocker spaniel – she just doesn’t really dig toys.  Maggie’s more of a bone-chewing-type-of-a-dog. So she got a new bone.

Our family on a walk in Invermere

Last weekend Jrock and I picked up our pooches and drove the car across a couple of mountain ranges to the little town of Invermere. Our mission? to spend Thanksgiving with my sister S and her husband M… and their three cats.  (Poor cats.)

I was really shocked when we arrived in Invermere.  Last time I was there, it was this tiny ho-boken town in the mountains.  Much to my surprise, it has morphed into a holiday get-away for Albertans.  It has cute shops, and few bakeries and restaurants, and breath-taking scenery.  My sister moved to a resort-town!

M & S in Invermere

So we went hiking, watched downloaded episodes of Australian “So you think you can dance!”, visited Lussier hotsprings, cleaned up 40,000 pools of puppy pee (Laughlin seemed to forget all his training away from home,) went for a massage at Radium (that was me – I was picking beans for an hour without standing up and put out my back the day before,) listening to a great country singer at the pub, cooked, ate, and relaxed.

Here are some pictures of the beautiful town and the lovely time we had.  Thanks for the hospitality!

Welcome to the new website!

I’m still messing with it and updating information – our youtube vids are temporarily out of service – and the list of “Canadians Adopting from Africa” needs to be manually imported…. but most of the content has made it to the new site.

You may ask, why did we move? 

Two basic reasons…

1. It’s easier to write rowanfamilytree.com on the Christmas cards
2. This site allows me to do a lot of new things, such as the book banner to your right, and the ever-changing photo on top (click refresh and you’ll see what I mean!)

So, do you like it?

Cheers
Nicky

 
Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

How well do you know your African geography? Just click on the map above to try your hand at the game.

You should be able to do better than me! – I only got 40%.  Yikes.  Better do some studying!

The video says it all.

Click the picture to see the movie!