It hasn’t been that long since I published the last ”special moments…” but there is a lot of good news out there! -

New (on my blog)

• Journey to My Daughter
• Journey to Emmy
• Journey to Our Son
• Meeting Zia 
• And babies make 10
• Our Angel Astrid
• Bringing Home Girum
• Meeting Silas
• The Triplets
• Our First Year with Ava Sidisse
• Our two little ones
• Bade Family Adoption

Others Previously Posted (but worth another look!)

• Yosef and Biniam
• Abi’s Journey
• Meeting Silas
• Forever Day
• Our Ethiopian Adoption – Delightful Mihret
• Bringing home Girum
• Happy Referral Day
• Picking Up Abi
• Happy Adoption Day
• Our Adoption Journey
• One Year Later
• Meeting Deacon
• The Miracle of Adoption
• Eva Adoption Video
• Half a World Away
• When Love Takes You In
• Meeting Robel
• Somewhere over the rainbow
• Lisa at the LIGA school
• No small feet
• Journey to Baby Jason

I stumbled a little late on this conversation… Shannon blogged about two issues we ALL deal with, as parents adopting from Ethiopia. 

First, what to say about the bloody Angelina comment.  Anybody actually thought of a really good retort?  (I don’t want to bash the lady, as I don’t even know her and assume her motives are the same as many of ours.) But it has to be the most annoying thing.  The best I can come up with is “yes, I saw her picture on enough supermarket tabloids I decided to base all my decisions on her life.”  Or something like that.

The second, is, of course, our legitimacy as parents.  That’s what all the replies on her post are really talking about, isn’t it?

(Now would be the time to read her post if you hadn’t already.  Link here.)

In a perfect world, parents who gave birth to children would raise them in happiness and peace.  Wait – let me back up.  In a perfect world, people would always think seriously about parenthood and its responsibilities before they ventured down the path of getting pregnant.  Then, the single/couple people/person would cherish their child, and be able to provide them a loving, healthy and happy home.  No-one would die.  No-one would starve.  No-one would go away.  Everyone would live to a ripe old age.  End of story.

But this isn’t always reality. Not in Canada, and not in Africa either.  Pregnancies are sometimes unexpected.  Parents can’t handle the responsibility. People can’t care for their children. Parents get sick. In Africa, people often die from stupid things like malnutrition and AIDS and malaria and a flu that gets out of hand when they don’t have access to IVs and other basic healthcare gizmos. 

So it comes to others.  Other people. When you see people not able to live life, and provide for their children the way they would like to do… what do you do?  Look away?  Pretend not to see?

Do you have a responsibility?

Is this your problem?

You know, it is extremely unpopular in adoption circles to talk about altruistic motivations for adopting kids.  But, enter: the fertile (not proven otherwise, anyway) couple who CHOOSE, first, to adopt.  Why are they adopting?  They think it would be fun to have token black kids? (Back to the Angelina comments…) They want to travel to Africa and pick up kids as souvenirs? They are looking forward to people questioning them about their legitimacy as a family in the supermarket line?!?

Garbage!

As if!

Somewhere, deep in each adoptive parent’s soul, is a true and cautious and very purposeful sense of responsibility. We can’t change the world and the way it works.  But we can pick up where someone else has left off.  We have a home, and love, and several measures of happiness each week – and there are children out there that are desperate for love and family… since Plan A (see above) didn’t work out.

So we adopt.  We, in this crazy chaotic universe, zip and zag and bump into these other beings whose destiny is intertwined with ours.  And we get to know each other… and we share… and we experience… and over time, we develop these unshakable bonds called “familyness.” We become a part of each other. Our identity includes these other people.

Crazy!

And yet, not really.

After all, do you remember when you first met your best friend? Or a moment in your past that defines your relationship with your siblings? Or that time, when you looked at a blood relation and thought: “this person really is NOT me.  Not even a little bit of me.”

Family is not really blood.  It’s the relationships.  It’s your connection to each other~ and how much of your self, is their self.  That is family.

So are adoptive situations legitimate family situations?

Who knows? ~from the outside.  Really.  Just as you don’t know if a blood family is truly family. Because, adoptive, blood, friends, relations or otherwise, LEGITIMATE families love, care for and are interconnected.  Period.

So CAN an adoptive family be as legitimate as one developed through birth?

Damn straight. 

Those altruistic reasons for filling out paperwork and flying across the globe and hugging a child for the first time who screams and looks at you like your are an alien (because your hair is red and your skin is white) is just the first, chaotic, intersection of independent beings. What forms with love and care and respect over the next many years - that, that relationship – that is legitimate “familyness.”

The meeting is incidental. 

.

 ”Your children come through you;
but not from you,
and though they are with you,
they belong not to you.”
~ Kahil Gibran

It’s just amazing the difference a year can make…. here we are in 2008, and the environment is once again at the top of the list of Canadians’ concerns.  It’s about time. 

The wonderful thing about green being the new black (and yes, I mean that in a fashion sense!) is that the products that we used to search for, are now so readily available.  It’s great.  So to celebrate this Earth Day, I thought I’d share some successes we’ve had over the last year – some of our favorite products, some of the choices we’ve made. 

Our fav products

Method – wood polish -  grapefruit all purpose (Jrock’s fav) – stainless polish – leather wipes
Thanks to my best bud for introducing me to these products a couple years ago.  Available at all Shoppers Drug Marts!

Nature Clean, EcoVer, 7th Generation and Green-Vert are also great brands… sometimes available at Save-on-Foods, sometimes only at natural or organic stores. 
Nature Clean DisherWasher Rinse – Nature Clean Fabric Softener – EcoVer Clothes Washing Fluid

Some other changes we’ve made – setting up a clothes line!  It’s not only better for the electricity bill and corresponding emissions… putting your clothes out on the line has three benefits:
1. stronger arms
2. you’re not heating up a hot house in the summer
3. amazing smelling sheets and clothes

The only trouble was FINDING a clothes line.  Who knew – I found all I needed at Canadian Tire, in a neat little package.  Just don’t tell the phone company that one end is screwed into the telephone post in the alley

Our last example: the lawnmower.  Let me tell you, this took a LOT of convincing!!!! Jrock was dead against an electric lawnmower.  But we got one, cordless, and he loves it.  It’s quiet, works nicely, and never needs to be refilled with gas (obviously!) so we don’t need to keep any gas in the shed, either.

See how pleased he is with his new toy!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/v/fsoAdigH0X4]

If you’d like one of your own… we bought ours at Home Depot, but there are cordless electrics at every hardware store now.  Click on the pic of the lawnmower to check it out.

So… next year?!?!? Well, I’m working on planting a big fruit and vegetable garden so we can grow a bunch of our own food.  Hopefully we’ll have some pictures as that starts to shape up.  You can see the yard consists of a swath of grass and a big compost heap.  A lot of work to do….

Many parents prayers were answered today… the “pouch” arrived from the High Commission in Nairobi to the agency offices in Addis with a whole swath of visas and citizenship documents. 

Yahoo!  I’m really happy for these families, some of which have been waiting a really long time for HC Nairobi to process their paperwork… and also very happy, because soon (in the next couple of weeks) there will be more room in the transition home for new arrivals (such as our kids!)

Bon voyage, mes amis!

The Globe and Mail published an article earlier this week, which broke the story that Ethiopia is now the second most popular country Canadians adopt from, after China.  You can read the story here.

The story was good in many ways, but I worried that it left an impression that all African adoptions are risky and full of corruption, which is NOT the case inEthiopia.  So I wote a letter to the editor, which you can read below.

Dear Editor;

Your article “The Next China” told the stories of several adoptive families with children from various African countries. Although the stories of adoption foils and difficulties need to be told, it’s a dangerous approach to paint all adoption programs with the same brush. Africa is a continent with 53 countries, each with their own systems and approaches to inter-country adoption. Adoptive parents most often choose Ethiopia, now Canada’s second most popular country to adopt from, because it has a stable, child-first, government-overseen program. They also choose to adopt from Ethiopia because it has a wonderful, rich culture; top-quality care for children transitioning to foreign families; and, with 4.8 million orphans, a pressing need for parents. Although I’m sure there are people out there who inquire about international adoption because they want to be like the infamous couple in the supermarket tabloids, I can assure you the families that make it through years of waiting and mountains of paperwork to bring their children home are motivated by a simple, common factor: the joy of building a family.

The second bit of news was talk-radio program aired just today.  It’s much more positive and Ethiopia-specific coverage… I encourage you to listen to it here.  (Speed ahead to 17 minutes in for it to start.) You can also read an article about the same Saskatchewan family here.

Note: there is one error in the program… UNICEF says there are 4.8 millions orphans in Ethiopia, as of 2005.

Pick up your kids, people!!!

I called the agency today and asked “what’s up?” and our caseworker said that basically the transition home is pretty full, and when the next wave of parents go and pick up their kids, there wil be more beds free, and then, supposedly, our children will appear in the transition home and we will get a referral.

So.  Pick up your kids, people!!!

[I hope you realize that this post is laden with sarcastic overtones: The only thing that families who have referrals want to do, most in the world, now, is pick up their kids.] 

 - Or more appropriately, I sure hope you all hear about your medicals, visas, and other travel necessesities soon.  I already hoped before, but now I am I am also selfishly motivated.  So I hope MORE.

~~~

Now at least I have some answer when people ask… “Any news on the adoption?”  I am glad that they ask, even if I don’t have anything more substantive to report than “the transition home is full.”  At least when people ask, I am reminded that eventually this all will actually happen and I will become a mommy.  Because, day to day, it doesn’t feel real anymore. 

~~~

I was away for a couple days and couldn’t check my email.  I asked Jrock to do it, and he said “there won’t be any news anyway,” and I said “you’re probably right,” and left it until the next day. That didn’t stop me from buying a couple of bibs and a stove barrier-thingy at IKEA on the way home through Coquitlam, of course

Nicky

Our group, Okanagan Families With Children From Africa, is getting together in May.  If you are in the neighborhood, maybe you can join us!

Sunday, May 18th – Westbank
Okanagan Families With Children From Africa FAMILY POTLUCK

We’ll BBQ at Laura and Brent’s house and there is a lot of room for the kids to play inside and in the backyard. If you have outdoor games (soccer, football, etc…) age-appropriate for your kids, please bring them.  3344 McIver Rd, Westbank (250) 768-4348

**Please bring your own meat, plus a communal side dish or dessert of your choosing.

As usual, friends and family are welcome.

Please RSVP to okfca@hotmail.com to let us know you are coming! (Thanks for hosting, Laura!!)

If you would like to see pictures of our group’s previous get-togethers, check out our website!

Okanagan Families With Children From Africa 

Here are some links to some interesting videos – part of a mini-series on CityTV about Westlock volunteers travelling to Ethiopia.  The narration is, at times, a little exagerated and patronizing, but the stories are great and it’s a real interesting watch! Many of these progects are rooted in Rotary – they receive grants from Rotary International – they also work with Canadian Foodgrains Bank and other organizations.

February 2008

March 2008 – Overviews

March 2008 – Specific Projects

Hats off to the Westlock Rotarians and helping farmers! If you would like to help them out, check out
Westlock Rotary Club
Canadian Foodgrains Bank
Rotary International

Hamish has this special little toy… we call him “Fox”.  That’s what he was, anyway, when we originally got him years ago.  He’s lost his ears and tail along the way, but he remains Hamish’s special little friend.  I kid you not – he actually takes him to bed every night, and licks him over in the cutest, most caring way.  Maggie, the Stuffed Toy Destroyer, doesn’t even bother Fox… so he survives the fate of the other stuffies. 

So… this is what Fox looks like….

Can you find Fox in each of these pictures? (I didn’t plan this but realized he snuck into enough of them to warrant a post!)

And Jrock catching us at nap time… there’s a lot of love in this family!

You know, the waiting has now reached a different level.  I think we’ve plateaued at “I wonder, seriously, if this is ever going to happen.” Remember, when we started out it was supposed to be a 2-6 month wait until referral.  Wow. 7 months.

I still check my email every day… but I don’t actually expect to see anything, anymore… 

I haven’t been on-line much, because I’ve been a traveling fiend!

Last weekend, I went to the Great Blue Heron Nature Sanctuary - boy, that is an amazing place.  If you are ever in Chilliwack, check it out – it’s astounding how many of those magnificent birds are in one place. this picture doesn’t do it justice, but…

I also went white-water rafting for the first time! The first question you will probably ask is… was it cold?  ~YES!  But it was really fun.  Here you can see me inflating a kayak… and then our group ready to go on the river.  The girl who had the water-proof camera hasn’t given me a copy of her pics yet, but I’ll post some of the actual rafting/kayaking when she sends them.  Super fun – I think next time I will take Jrock and we’ll go in the kayaks down the river…

And THEN, I’ve been, for the last week, ferrying around 21 students.  Our Rotary club organized an Adventure in Tourism program for students from across Canada, and we’ve been showing them all the tourism attractions… more pics to follow, but in the meanwhile, from our hike on the first day (following a morning at the Okanagan Grand.) 

Taking pictures of deer en route…

Beautiful weather! but it hailed the next day.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I’m one of the two organizors… an group chaperone!  Plus Jrock and I have 2 of the girls staying with us for the 5 days as well.