T and R stopped by this afternoon to visit.  They had one of their two sons, G, with them.  He’s 18 months, sucks a lot on his soother, and runs around silently.  As our lunch at the Greek restaurant drew to a close, R said to me “you are going to be a good mom, you know.” (Because I’m energetic and always doing something.) 

My dear friend L said that to me once as well… it’s funny how a small comment like that goes a long way to boosting your confidence.  She also thinks Jrock will be a good dad.

I’m sure he’ll be a good dad, but I’m not sure what TYPE of dad he’ll be.  First, he’s a lot more patient than me.  We have a cocker spaniel, and when he brushes her hair, he is so much more gentle than I am.  Not to equate our animal family members to our kids, but I think he’ll be good at doing our kiddies’ hair too.  I have mentally assigned him this task – he just doesn’t know it yet.  I read this funny article in the NY Times (Skin Deep, read it, it’s funny!) about a dad mastering his daughter’s hair – I could see Jrock doing the same. 

I’ve mentally assigned him other duties as well – some morning dressing time so I can do my yoga and have a few minutes peace.  Also, all sports watching.  I’ll be at some soccer practices, but “Dad” will be the only one to count on not bringing a book.  I think I’ll also let him do some “carrying of heavy things.”

Now that you have the idea that I’ll be a boring, lazy mom, I’ll refer you back to R’s comment. Not so.  But Jrock will definitely be holding his own in a few departments.

I just love watching other family’s special moments… like when they first picked up their kids in Ethiopia.  Here are a few cool videos and powerpoint presentations that you can enjoy.  Feel the love, baby!

Happy adoption day

Somewhere over the rainbow

Lisa at the LIGA school

No small feet

Journey to Baby Jason

to be added to…

Why are you adopting?

Three reasons:

#1, there are so many children in the world that need homes.  Adoption is a way for us to build a family without contributing to the world’s population problems.

#2, it would be a real hardship for me to be pregnant, with my arthritis problems.

#3, we love the idea of having a multicultural family.

Why did you choose Ethiopia?

Well, several reasons.  Firstly, the program in Ethiopia (ET) is well suited to us: you can adopt babies and small kids, even siblings.  The children are overall healthy.  Unlike some other countries, ET kids have very low rates of attachment disorder (common with children who have grown up in institutionalized settings.)  Secondly, there is a real need.  According to the UN, there are “34 million orphans in [Subsaharan Africa] today and some 11 million of them are orphaned by AIDS.” thirdly, we felt it was important that the culture of our children be a culture we would enjoy becoming a part of.  As we learn more about this country, we’re excited about the culture becoming a part of our lives.

Will your kids be healthy? (AKA will they have AIDS.)

Our kids probably will arrive with some treatable basic illnesses, but they won’t have HIV or AIDS.  In Canada, you cannot adopt HIV+ children from overseas.  There is a good chance, though, that AIDS will play a role in the loss of their birth family, though.  Jrock and I have been learning more and more about how children are losing their parents to the disease, and how AID is wreaking havoc on the social, economic and cultural systems in Africa.  If you would like to know more, follow some of the links on the righthand side of this blog.

What is the process like?

Here is the short story.  A social worker will come to our house to do a series of interviews called a homestudy.  This study and tons of other paperwork will be inluded in a fat file called a docier.  The docier will be sent from the local agency to one of the two Canadian agencies who handle ET adoptions.  They will send it on to ET, where the local foster house works will match us up with a child (or two!) We will get backa referral in the mail, asking us if we will accept the match.  If we do, then paperwork happens, and a few months later, we go and pick up our kids from the foster home in Ethiopia!

I’ll add to this post as we have more common questions…

So our story actually begins a long time ago.  When I was growing up, my mom wanted to make me a Cabbage Patch doll.  (“Make”, meaning she’d buy the head and sew the body from a pattern.) My first “adopted” doll, Arnold, was a little bald white boy with a tan body.  My mom said white skin would show the dirt too much, (maybe experience with her own kids,) so she picked fabric several shades darker for his body.  A year or so later, I was asking to “adopt” another boy… Andy.  This time, I insisted that the doll had matching dark brown skin and dark brown head. 

Fast forward to teenagehood.   When I was 15, I went on my first cultural exchange to Japan.  When I was 16, I went for a month to England, and I spent my grade 12 year on a Rotary exchange living in Germany.  Back in Canada, our house started to fill with students from across the world.  We had exchange students stay with us from many different countries… all of us three kids loved learning about other cultures.  To have another son or daughter from a different country was something my parents modelled.  In essence, even though we were raised in a red-neck corner of the North, we grew up as a multicultural family.

Speed forward again.  I’m in my twenties, and even though life didn’t have kids in store for me then, I had plans.  I wanted a big, rainbow-coloured family of adopted and biological children.  I strongly believe that there are many kids in the world, already born, who need good families. 

In my late 20s, when I met my husband, both of us were liking the DINK (Double-income No Kids) lifestyle.  Neither of us was sure if we wanted children or not.  It was the only thing we weren’t sure of when we were married.

About a year and a half ago, I started to feel a little older and think about kids.  One day, I realized: “If I don’t have children, when I am old and grey, will I regret it?  Probably.  If I have kids and grandkids, would I regret it?  Absolutely not.”  So I began the campaign.  The campaign of convincing my husband Jrock.  He grew up as one of two kids, and that’s what he envisioned for himself… if he was going to have kids at all.  I was prepared to meet him in the middle at 2, but if so, I wanted the kids to be adopted.

Speed forward a year later.  I was diagnosed with a severe form of arthrytis.  Basically, if I was pregnant, I couldn’t take my anti-inflamatories, and I wouldn’t be able to walk.  So Jrock decided that he would agree to adopt, for my health’s sake.  So there you have it.  Adoption was my first choice; it is my husband’s second.  It’s important to say that for any other adoptive parents out there… I thought I was the only one who had to push adoption to their spouse.  I’m learning now that it’s often the norm.  Anyway, it’s the right move for us as a couple, and we’re now both very excited about our soon-to-be kids.

Nicky

Funny how I’m always so composed, and usually excited about change.  Our move to Sunnyside (no, that’s not the real place;-) ) has got me clenching my jaw at night.

One relief is that we’ve found a place to live.  The owner says it’ll be sodded and airconditioned before we move.  (Hope to heck it will be, since this pale-skinned girl sweats in +24c. and burns in a picture window.) I’ve always hated the though of living in a vinyl-clad house in a homogeneous subdivision, but the fact that our abode will be new, clean and has a fireplace is a real bonus.  It’s also out of town north of Kelowna, where we might eventually want to build, so it’s a good opportunity to live out in the sticks and try it on for size.

The fact that Jrock has a good job is also a bonus.  His contract arrived today and I felt a little less Atlas-y. I think he’s going to learn so much at this place – he’ll be just an amazing *anonymous profession* after working there and honing his skills.

We’ll see if Jrock has anything to say about the move and my unusual stress in a later epiode.  For now, wish us luck selling our house!

Nicky

I didn’t think I would do it – but here I am joining the legions of others publishing mylife.

Why?  I think a sense of duty, really.  I’ve been so grateful to other adoptive parents for publishing their stories and pictures.  I’m unsure if I’ll be publishing any pictures, since there are a lot of wierdos out there.  But for now, I’ll share the *text only* of our journey: moving provinces, adopting our kids and living our lives.

TTFN,

Nicky